I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
