Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
