I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
