woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
