Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
