Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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