If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
