I accidentally had phone sex last night
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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