I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize
