the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
