In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
