Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
