I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
