So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
