why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
