Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
