i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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