if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
