didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
