We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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