Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
