this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I licked your asshole in confidence.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
