That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
