there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
