You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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