I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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