I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
