My first STD was from a foam party
Please, let me fuck your mom
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
