He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
