16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
