So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
