i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
