So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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