We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
