Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have feelings that need drinking.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
