Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
