Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
