The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
