plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
