How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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