so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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