at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
