I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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