I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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