you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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