i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
