I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
