This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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