if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
