well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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