i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
