we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
