cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
